The Road Not Taken
by Laura1
Summary: Angel gets a glimpse of what his life with Buffy could have been like if the evil God of the Buffyverse, Joss, hadn't gotten in the way.


_Introduction ~ _This idea just wouldn't go away so I had to write it up. Mainly it's a serious piece, but I couldn't resist the opportunity for a few jokes along the way!

_Disclaimer ~_ There is not a single original idea in this fic. The characters and premise I have stolen from Joss Whedon, the idea of alternate universes comes not only from Joss but also from Red Dwarf. It is explained beautifully in the Red Dwarf book 'Backwards' by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, so if you're confused read that - it's also where I got the sandwich analogy from *g*. 

_Timeline ~_ After Into the Woods on 'Buffy', but before The Body. Post Reunion, but pre-Epiphany on 'Angel'. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Angel drifted slowly back into consciousness. He felt as though he was trying to forcibly drag himself out of some kind of mental quicksand. He blinked rapidly trying to focus on the physical sensations around him in the hope that this would increase his awareness of where he was. The grass felt wet and cool against the skin of his face and dew was starting to make his clothes damp. A slight breeze was blowing and the night air smelt fresh and cool. He looked up to see a huge, dark sky, scattered with tiny jewel-like stars. 

His brain felt as though it were shrouded in a thick fog and for a second he thought he was back in Ireland, passed out in a field somewhere after a particularly heavy drinking binge. Then his vampiric senses started to kick in and the memories of the past 250 years came flooding back. He groaned, half wishing he was back in the eighteenth century. Life was certainly a lot simpler then. He sat up, ignoring the protest his throbbing head made in response to the action, and looked around him. He recognised his surroundings as one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. 

_What am I doing here?_ He wondered. _Shouldn't I be in LA?_Then he remembered. He'd had a call from Giles; apparently some demons from another dimension had found out that Buffy's sister Dawn was the Key. There was too many for Buffy to fight alone even with the help of Spike and the Scooby gang, so Giles had enlisted Angel's help to take out the demons whilst Buffy stayed with Dawn. Unfortunately, though, the demons had proved too powerful even for Angel to kill and the best he could hope to achieve was to keep them at bay whilst Giles, Willow, Tara and Wesley worked on a spell to return the demons to their rightful dimension. His last memory was of being embroiled in hand-to-hand combat with one of the demons when a blinding white light filled his vision. Then everything went black. 

He reached up to touch his forehead, only to find a deep gash there. He winced. The spell must have worked he concluded, he just got knocked out in the process. The sound of footfalls to his left caused him to turn and he was surprised to see Buffy running towards him. He struggled to his feet just before Buffy reached him and flung herself into his arms. 

"Are you OK?" She asked, pressing her body to his. 

Angel ached at the closeness of their contact and hated to break it, but was also confused. When he had arrived in Sunnydale the previous day Buffy had been polite but cool. They had exchanged small talk but nothing like the concern or affection she was showing him now. He pulled away from her and her face fell.

"I'm fine. I just hit my head, that's all." He told her. 

"Are you sure?" She reached up and touched his cut. "That looks nasty. You should get Giles to look at it for you."

"It's nothing. How's Dawn?"

A puzzled look crossed her face briefly. "Fine." She replied. Buffy looked around. "So, no demons. I'm assuming Willow's spell worked then."

"Yeah, she's getting really proficient at magic now. She should be careful, though, some of the more difficult spells can get you into real trouble if they go wrong."

"Oh you know Wills," Buffy said dismissively. "She's our resident genius. She can handle." She pouted. "I'm more worried about you."

"Me?" Angel arched an eyebrow.

"Yes. Going after those demons on your own," she scolded softly. "You could have been hurt, or killed, and then what would I have done without you?"

Somehow whilst she was speaking she had slid up close to him again. Angel could sense her hot breath on his skin and began to feel light-headed at the prospect of having her so near. He knew that if his heart could beat it would have been racing at a hundred miles an hour right at that moment. She lifted her hand to his face and ran her fingers lightly down his cheek. He shivered under her touch, looking into her eyes for an explanation for how she was behaving, but finding only unconditional love shining there. Buffy tilted her face towards his own and brushed his lips in a soft kiss. Angel uttered a low moan, lost in the sensation and only caring about the moment. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Then he kissed her deeply and passionately, savouring her warmth and sweet taste. 

"Mmmm," Buffy ended the kiss and beamed a satisfied smile towards Angel. "You're really pretty good at this kissing thing," she said provocatively. "A little more practice wouldn't hurt, though." 

She leaned in towards him again, but this time he pulled away, guiltily removing his arms from around her waist as he did so. He couldn't believe he'd just let that happen. Didn't he have _any_ self-control? He couldn't just go kissing Buffy like that, no matter how much he wanted to. They'd been through this. 

"What's the matter?" Buffy was looking at him with a hurt and bewildered expression on her face.

"We can't do this." Angel protested weakly, stepping back as she reached out for his hand. 

"Why not?" She smiled uncertainly. "There's nobody around. It's just us."

"We can just go kissing like that." Angel said more forcefully, wondering what the hell was going on with Buffy. One minute she could barely look him in the eye and the next she was throwing herself all over him. "Not with our history."

Buffy glared at him, hurt turning to anger. "Are you trying to break up with me?" She asked indignantly. 

"Break up with you?" Angel was totally confused. Something was seriously wrong here. He studied Buffy carefully, she seemed different, but as he hadn't seen her in months anyway he couldn't really judge. Her hair was shorter, he thought, than it was earlier that evening. _Surely she couldn't have taken time out of a crisis like this to get a hair cut, could she?_ Suddenly unsure as to what was going on he continued to speak. "I can't break up with you Buffy, we're not together."

"How can you even say that?" She shouted at him, tears welling in her eyes. "We live together Angel. I think that means we qualify as a couple!"

Angel just stared at her, wondering if he were still dreaming or if the knock on his head had caused him to start hallucinating. _Did Buffy just say that we lived together? _He struggled desperately to gather his thoughts. "Uh, Buffy, we don't live together. I live in LA remember? I moved there when we broke up after graduation."

She stared back at him, equally confused. "Are you OK?" She asked, astounded. "Are you sure that when you hit your head you didn't do any serious damage?"

Angel was suddenly beginning to wonder the same thing. He moved over to a nearby headstone and sat down heavily. "I think I might have lost my memory." He told Buffy, in the hopes that she might explain some of what was going on. 

"Lost your memory?" Her hard expression melted away to be replaced with concern. "You mean totally? You don't know who you are or anything?"

Angel smiled. "No, I've got all that. I know who you are as well." He clarified, causing Buffy to sigh in relief. "It's just the recent stuff I'm having trouble with. Like how we ended up living together?"

"Oh, that's no big story. Willow and Xander just decided that they were going to get a place together, so I was down a roommate and decided you'd make a suitable replacement." She smiled hesitantly, but had only managed to confuse Angel even further. 

"Willow and Xander?"

"Yeah, they've been together since high school. Don't tell me you don't remember that either? It was mega-memorable when they got together, what with them both being with other people at the time." Buffy informed him. 

"You mean that Willow broke things off with Oz to be with Xander instead?"

"Yep. I can't really blame her for it either. I mean dating a werewolf was a little weird. Not that I don't condone dating demons, I really do." She smiled at him. "It's just that I always thought that Willow was a little too vulnerable for it. Too liable to be hurt by him in the long run. It's better this way."

"What happened to Oz?" Angel asked.

"Oh, he left town to go to college. UCLA I think. We don't really keep in touch. There were no hard feelings at the end, but we just kind of drifted apart." She paused to consider things. "So you remember when Willow and Oz were together, but you don't remember them splitting up, right?"

Angel nodded absentmindedly, trying to work out the timescale. So far his memories seemed to be correct until the beginning of Buffy's senior year. "What about Cordelia?" 

"Still as bitchy as ever." Buffy rolled her eyes. "She goes to college with me and Wills, unfortunately."

Angel bristled at Buffy's criticism of Cordelia; she had been a good friend to him in the past two years. _Or had she?_ His thoughts prompted. According to Buffy, Cordelia went to UC Sunnydale, so she had never worked with Angel in LA. That was just something his overactive imagination had made up apparently. "But I thought she couldn't afford college." Angel said. "Her parents lost all their money to the IRS." 

"Yeah, that happened." Buffy replied. "But her father was one of the alumni of UC Sunnydale, so he managed to get her a scholarship there before word got out that he was actually broke. Is any of this coming back to you at all? Because, I'm starting to get worried. Maybe we should take you to see Giles. He should still be at the library."

"The library?"

"I know it's a little pathetic that we still hang out at our old high school." Buffy explained. "I mean, come on move on already. If those were the best days of our lives then we're in for pretty sucky lives. But it is where Giles works and it's kinda convenient for books."

"So, Giles is still the high school librarian." Angel repeated thoughtfully, he didn't even want to touch upon the subject of the school blowing up. He decided it was easier just not to ask. "Why didn't he quit after you graduated?"

"Now that you mention it, there was really no reason for him to stay after I'd left. I guess he just liked being near Jenny."

Angel's mouth dropped open. "Jenny Calendar?" He was beginning to feel like a parrot, repeating everything Buffy said, but at this point he didn't really care. He had a horrible feeling he knew what was going on and it was far more serious than just a simple bump on the head. 

"Well, she's Jenny Giles now, officially. Since they got married."

He took a sharp intake of unnecessary breath. "I think we'd better go and see Giles."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

When Angel arrived at the library he found the whole gang had been summoned there already. Apparently Cordelia had taken phone duty. Xander and Willow sat close together at the table in the middle of the room. Cordy leant against the wall, looking bored. Giles was pacing about nervously, disturbed by Buffy's cryptic message that there was something wrong with Angel. And Jenny stood gracefully in the far corner. Angel couldn't keep his eyes off her. He had to keep reminding himself that she was real and actually here - that it wasn't just some dream he was having. As they walked into the room he felt Buffy's hand take his. He knew that he should really pull away, that he had no right to this closeness, but he held on tightly anyway. 

"Ah, Angel." Giles stopped fiddling with his glasses and returned them to his nose. "Buffy said you had a problem?"

"Is it something to do with the demons you fought tonight?" Willow asked shyly. "Did the spell go alright?"

Angel reluctantly let go of Buffy's hand; she was not going to want to keep holding it when she had heard what he had to say, anyway. "The spell went great in that it achieved its main aim, to return the demons to their dimension." He chose his words carefully. "Unfortunately, though, I think it had a few unexpected side-effects."

"Side-effects?" Willow's face fell. "It didn't say anything in the book about side-effects. I read the small print and everything."

"What exactly would be the nature of these, um, side-effects?" Giles prompted.

"Have you heard of alternate realities?" Angel addressed the group. There were various nods of agreement.

"Didn't Jonathan set one up last year when he cast that spell to make himself super cool?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, I can't believe I actually had a crush on him." Cordelia chimed in. "He was so _short_. Yuk."

"Cordelia puts a height limit on the guys she dates. I know that because it was in her ad." Xander joked. 

"Oh and does Willow know you scour the Lonely Hearts pages?" Cordelia snapped back.

"Uh, guys. On topic?" Buffy interrupted their banter. The group's attention reverted back to Angel.

"This is probably going to come as a shock to you," Angel continued. "But I think I'm from another reality. I just got transported here when Willow cast the spell. Which probably means that the other Angel, the one from your reality, has been transported over into my dimension." He paused, letting his words sink in. "You see we must have been casting the same spell at exactly the same time in my dimension, so when the portal between worlds was opened I – and my alter ego, the Angel you know – were sucked through it along with the demons."

He turned to look at Buffy, who had turned deathly pale. She ran out of the room. Willow also looked upset.

"I didn't know this was going to happen, you know. If I did I wouldn't have done the spell." The young witch spoke with emotion.

Xander reached over and squeezed her hand. "We know, Will. Nobody's blaming you."

"What will you do now Angel?" The vampire started as Jenny spoke to him. Waves of guilt over what Angelus had done flooded through him and he struggle to find his voice.

"Recast the spell, I suppose." He finally said. "Or reverse it. We'd have to be careful not to bring the demons back if we'd tried that one, though. It should be done as quickly as possible. It's not really me I'm worried about, though, it's your Angel." He paused. "In my world I have…problems. Ones that your Angel is possibly not equipped to cope with. Even in the short time I've spent here I can safely say we lead completely different lives. And I'm not exactly getting the best end of the deal in my universe, if you get my meaning."

There was a long silence, which Jenny eventually broke. "We'll start looking for a spell straight away."

Angel nodded. "Thank you." He hesitated slightly, "I should go after Buffy. I don't think she took the news very well." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Angel found Buffy sitting on the concrete steps outside the main entrance of the school. She looked lost and very, very young. She had a naivety and innocence about her that Angel hadn't seen in the Buffy of his universe for a long time. He sat down next to her and wordlessly she turned her body towards him, leaning into his arms and resting her head on his chest. Angel let her stay like that for a while, needing the feel of her soft warmth against him. Then with a heavy heart he gently pushed her away.

"We can't do this kind of thing, Buffy." He spoke quietly. "I'm not your boyfriend, you know that, don't you?"

She looked into his eyes, her expression displaying confusion tinged with sadness and loss, as she struggled to understand the situation they were in. "But you're Angel." She told him, her voice lacking conviction.

He nodded slowly. "I'm Angel, but I'm not _your_ Angel. I don't have the same memories or experiences as him. That's why I was so confused earlier. In my reality recent events, such as your graduation for instance," he chose an innocuous example, "played out much differently."

"What was so different about graduation?"

"Well, for starters you blew up the school." Angel smiled as her expression turned to one of disbelief. "You sort of had to," he elaborated. "It was the only way to kill the mayor after he ascended."

"The mayor actually ascended?" Buffy asked amazed. "Wow. What did he look like?"

"Oh, he was this big, giant snake thing. It wasn't pretty. You saved the day, though."

Buffy grinned. "Well, of course I did. I am super slayer, remember?"

Angel laughed softly and a silence stretched between them. Buffy was the first to break it.

"Um, I'm still not getting this alternate universes thing. I mean, where do they come from and why do they exist? I get that Jonathan created one with a spell, but what about your universe; did someone create that as well? Or is your universe the real reality and this universe is just here because of a spell? Are my memories real or are they just made up like those memories we all had of Jonathan? How do I know I'm even actually here at all and it's not just some magic trick?" She stopped having tied her reasoning in knots.

"Don't worry Buffy," Angel reassured her. "Everything that's happened to you is real, including this unfortunately." He smiled slightly. "Alternate universes are being created all the time and not due to magic or spells or anything else sinister. It just happens naturally. Every time you make an important, or even not so important, decision then reality splits. Two new dimensions are created. One where you made one choice, the other where you chose the different option." He saw the confused look on Buffy's face and decided it was easier to explain by example. "Say you had to choose what you wanted for lunch." Buffy rolled her eyes, but he continued with his analogy anyway. "You can either have a ham sandwich or a chicken sandwich. In one reality you have the chicken sandwich and you get food poisoning and die. In the other you have the ham and you're fine. That's a pretty simplistic way of looking at it, but it's basically how it works."

"But what if you didn't get food poisoning from the chicken sandwich? Wouldn't you just end up with two universes where everything was exactly the same?" Buffy was determined to pick holes in his argument.

"Well, obviously if the choice has no discernable effect upon your life or future then a separate reality is not created. But you'd be surprised at the impact just small decisions can have. And of course, time and space are infinite, so there is room for an endless number of different realities."

"So, there could be a reality where I wasn't the slayer?" Buffy asked. "Or one where I never moved to Sunnydale?"

Angel nodded. "There could even be one where you were a famous TV star. Anything is possible."

Buffy was beginning to understand; there was still one thing she wanted to know, though. "So, we must have been living in the same dimension up until one decision was made, whereupon our realities split and we went on to lead separate lives. I've got that right, yeah?"

"Yes."

"Well, what I want to know is what made the difference?" She crinkled up her features in thought. "It could be anything. Just one tiny decision that seemed meaningless at the time. I mean, it could be that in your world the government decided to up taxes, but in my world they didn't."

Angel shook his head. "No, it's not like that. It's personal. I'm the one who's doing the dimension hopping here, so I'm pretty sure it has to do with a decision I made." His thoughts flashed back to Jenny Calendar and his memories of her dying at his hand. 

"Then we should compare histories. Work out what decision it was that changed things."

Angel fidgeted uncomfortably and looked away. 

"You know don't you?" Buffy asked.

"I think I do," Angel replied reluctantly. Buffy looked at him questioningly, waiting for him to continue. "In my dimension," he began with difficulty, "Jenny…um, she died." 

Buffy's face fell. "Oh, God. Poor Giles. How did it happen?"

Angel felt terrible. He hated having to tell Buffy this, but he had no choice. She deserved the truth. "I – um, Angelus – he killed her." Angel hid behind his use of the third person as he spoke the words, feeling more and more ashamed of his actions even though he was soulless at the time. When he gathered up the courage to glance back at Buffy he saw that she was staring at him with a mixture of hurt and betrayal on her face. He reached out to touch her arm and say something reassuring but she jumped up out of his reach.

"Stay away from me," she hissed. "I don't even know you. Angel would never do a thing like that."

"It did happen after I'd lost my soul, Buffy." He stood up also, trying to explain. 

"You lost your soul?" Buffy asked confused.

"Yes, it happened after we slept together on your seventeenth birthday." Angel replied without thinking and immediately after the words were out of his mouth he realised what the decision that had defined both his world and the one he found himself in now had been. Buffy's next sentence only confirmed it.

"But we never had sex on my seventeenth birthday." She looked away shyly. "I mean, I wanted to, but you said that it was too soon and that we should take things more slowly. Then Ms Calendar found out about the clause in your curse and – oh God. In your world you broke the curse, didn't you? You released Angelus." She looked at him in horror. 

Angel leant against the wall and closed his eyes, cursing his own lack of self-control. He'd often wondered what would have happened if he hadn't succumbed to temptation and slept with Buffy that fateful night. But to be faced with the reality of it, to be shown a world where he and Buffy were still together and happy and where one of the people over whose death he felt the most guilt was alive and well, that was too much for him to take. It confirmed his worst fears; he only had himself to blame for the state of his life. If he'd been stronger or a better man, then things would have turned out differently and obviously much for the better.

"What happened?" Buffy asked in barely a whisper. 

Angel delayed answering, running one hand through his spiky hair nervously. "It wasn't good," he said eventually. "I – well you already know about Jenny Calendar. And I didn't exactly make things pleasant for you - I mean, my Buffy - either." He paused. "Listen, it's not going to do anybody any good to talk about this now. You should go and check on Dawn."

"Why do you keep asking about Dawn?"

"Because that's who the demons were after." Angel was beginning to get confused again. Buffy had answered his earlier question about Dawn, so he assumed that she was a constant between their separate universes. 

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked concernedly. "Why would they be after Dawn? We thought it was just a routine 'kill the slayer' type thing."

"You don't know about Dawn?" Angel questioned and Buffy shook her head. He sighed at having to make yet another revelation that evening. "She's the key." He said flatly.

"The what?"

"Ask Giles." Angel was tired of explaining. "Didn't you find all this out already?"

Buffy shook her head. "How did, uh, your Buffy find out?"

"I'm not entirely sure of the details, but I think it was when her Mom was sick. She did a spell to sense any magical energy that might be causing the illness, but the only thing the spell pointed to was Dawn." Angel answered her.

"Oh."

"Is your Mom not sick, then?" He asked irrelevantly. 

Buffy gave him a sad smile. "My Mom died two years ago." 

Angel's eyes widened in surprise, then he gave her a sympathetic nod. "What happened?" He spoke softly.

"Spike killed her." Buffy replied and Angel raised his eyebrows. "He wanted revenge for me sending Druscilla to Hell. And Mom had always liked him, so she let him in." Her eyes seemed to glaze over as she recalled the painful memories. "He just snapped her neck. Nothing fancy. Job done, then he was out of there. Left town before I had a chance to dust him."

Angel was silent. He wanted to ask a million things. Like how had Buffy ended up sending Dru to Hell, for example. He assumed that a similar version of events, as had happened in his universe where Buffy sent him to Hell, had transpired here. Only it had been Dru that tried to raise the demon Acathla, not himself. Suddenly he realised that despite appearances things in this dimension were not as rosy as they appeared to be. He and Buffy might be together here, but ultimately there had been a cost for that. For every positive there was a negative. Jenny's life had been saved, Joyce's lost. How it must have been for Buffy to lose her mother like that at such an early age, he couldn't comprehend.

"How did you cope?" He asked gently.

"Dad came to live with us. He had to really, what with Dawn being so young and needing looking after. He wanted to take us back to LA with him, but of course I couldn't go because of the slaying thing." She sighed heavily. "I had to explain all about that, which caused a few problems as you can imagine, but eventually Dad understood. We get on pretty well now, so I suppose something good came out of it all."

Angel nodded then touched her shoulder gently, afraid to attempt any closer contact. "You should go home. Get some rest. We'll work on casting the spell tomorrow."

She smiled faintly. "We should go home, remember? We live together."

"Oh right. Well you'd better show me the way." He motioned for her to lead the way, but she just stayed standing there, all the time fixing him with an inquisitive stare. He looked up at her with questioning eyes and noticed the sad, faraway expression on her face.

"She never forgave you did she?" Buffy spoke softly. "She never forgave you for the things you did as Angelus."

Angel tore his eyes away from her gaze, which seemed to be directed straight into his soul. "I never forgave myself," he answered her quietly. 

Buffy's expression seemed to get even more regretful and she nodded almost imperceptibly, somehow understanding. 

Angel thought he understood too. "We'll get him back for you, I promise." He took hold of Buffy's wrist and looked directly into her eyes. "Whatever it takes."

"I know." She dropped her gaze to the floor then stepped backwards out of his reach. After that she turned and walked away from him, into the night.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Angel tried to get comfortable on the couch. Naturally, the apartment 'he' shared with Buffy in this universe had only one bedroom with a double bed. And there was no way considering the situation he was going to share it with her. Neither was there any way he was going to get any sleep tonight. He couldn't tear his thoughts away from this apartment, this life, which if things had gone differently for him in his reality he could also have had. It was causing him unimaginable pain just to be here and catch a small glimpse of the love _they_ shared, the same love he could now never share with his Buffy. 

When they arrived back at the apartment Buffy had had further questions for him about the life of her alter ego in his universe. He had told her the whole painful tale of his period as Angelus and how Buffy had been forced to send him to Hell for it. At first she had been horrified by it all, withdrawing further from him as he recounted all the acts he had committed as Angelus. Then she had been disbelieving that his Buffy would ever send him to Hell. Finally, she had accepted that his Buffy had had no choice in her actions and she started to cry softly as Angel talked of regaining his soul, Buffy professing her love for him, then falling into the vortex that sucked him into Hell. 

Angel then spoke of his return from Hell, how Buffy had nursed him back to health and how their attempts to stay away from each other had been thwarted by The First's torment of Angel. He recalled how he and Buffy had got back together, but that their relationship had often been uneasy and was certainly not approved of by her friends or family. He talked about his difficult and heartbreaking decision to break-up with her and how Buffy had forced him to drink from her after Faith had poisoned him. Then he moved on to his life in LA and even told of when he had become human for a day and how he had turned the clock back, so Buffy wouldn't remember any of the time they shared together. The Buffy of the other reality cried after hearing that as well. 

To his surprise Angel actually felt better after talking about it all. It really was true that a problem shared was a problem halved. In his universe he had to keep all his feelings to himself and because there simply was no one he could share them with. Buffy was the only person he'd ever felt would understand and be sympathetic towards his emotions and point of view, but he hadn't wanted to burden her with his feelings. He worried that speaking of the pain he suffered in Hell would only enhance her feeling of guilt over sending him there. It was easier for both him and her to pretend that he was over their relationship – that the thought of being without her or of her being with anyone else tortured him daily – and of course he could never tell her of their forgotten day. The only other person he'd felt even vaguely able to trust with his private thoughts had been Doyle, but he was dead and Angel felt that neither Cordelia nor Wesley were in any way interested in his own private broodings. He'd pushed them away now, so it didn't matter anyway. 

Now having this Buffy to talk to he could speak freely about all his concerns because none of them directly affected her, but he still knew that he could trust her with his confidences. When he'd finished his story he certainly felt like a weight had been lifted from his heart. He'd even manage to laugh at her reaction when he'd spoken of his Buffy's relationship with Riley Finn. She'd been horrified, questioning what his Buffy had ever seen in the guy. To her he was just the slightly dumb, lacking in personality TA of her psych class. She didn't even think he was at all cute. Angel was even more amused when he found out that in this reality Riley had asked Cordelia out on a date and she had turned him down flatly in front of the whole of their psychology class. He only wished he had been there to see it.

When the topic of Riley had come up Angel had asked Buffy about the Initiative. She claimed she'd never heard of such a group, but that they had had a few encounters with commandoes at the beginning of last year, but when they stopped had dismissed them as nothing. Angel warned Buffy that in his universe the Initiative had caused all sorts of trouble and that Riley was a part of them. She promised to look into this. He told her about them chipping Spike and she managed to smile at this despite all the pain the bleached blonde vampire had caused her. She would rather he was staked outright, but rendering him harmless and the making him the laughing stock of the demon community was an acceptable alternative. 

In return for the tale of life in Angel's universe Buffy spoke of what reality had been like for her. She started with the night of her seventeenth birthday, where the two dimensions had first split. Instead of having sex she and her Angel had simply fallen asleep in each other's arms. Buffy smiled at the memory and Angel's heart ached. But he forced himself not to get too depressed over what might have been and instead settled back to listen to the rest of the story. Xander came up with the same plan to destroy the judge and everything went successfully. Buffy and her Angel went back to his apartment and were enjoying a private kiss when a hammering on the door interrupted them. Angel answered it to find Jenny Calendar standing there. She had discovered the details of the curse and had come to warn Angel to stay away from Buffy and apparently just in time.

An emergency meeting was called in the library and Buffy and Angel reluctantly agreed to keep their distance from one another for a couple of weeks until Jenny could find some way to amend the loophole in the curse. Angel had gone back to LA to find Whistler and see if anyone had needed his help there. He and Buffy keep in touch by letter and phone call up until the end of Buffy's second year in high school. Then Druscilla had come up with the plan to raise the demon Acathla. She had captured and tortured Giles and Buffy tracked her down for a fight to the death. But, instead of killing Dru outright Buffy merely managed to send her to Hell, saving the world in the process. Spike hadn't been too impressed by this, however, and unable to kill the slayer he instead too his revenge by murdering her mother.

Buffy was devastated and the news that Jenny had finally fixed Angel's curse came as not much of a consolation. But in time she came to appreciate Jenny's efforts as she went to stay the summer in LA with her father and spent most of the trip in the loving embrace of Angel. It was over this vacation that she finally lost her virginity to him in the comfortable knowledge that Angel's soul was secure. At the end of the summer Buffy's father had agreed to move back to Sunnydale to care for her and Dawn and life progressed from there. 

Kendra had never been murdered, but instead simply moved away as she was not needed in Sunnydale. Hence, Faith was never called and without the help of the rogue slayer the Mayor had never been able to ascend. The Scooby gang instead found a way to remove the spell that was making him invincible and killed him. Graduation was just the same average, boring ceremony and because there was a solar eclipse on that day it meant that even Angel could be present to see Buffy receive her diploma. Giles married Jenny and remained as Buffy's watcher – on Jenny's advice he double-crossed the Council when it came to Buffy's birthday test, informing her of what was going on and telling her to play along. After that life had been pretty average, the usual vampires, fiends and teen crises but nothing extraordinary. 

Angel reflected upon what life must be like in the universe he had accidentally stumbled into. In many ways it sounded a much better place than the reality he had left. His alter ego definitely had had a better time of things with Buffy, but then Buffy he had lost her mother which couldn't have been easy for her. The Buffy of this universe seemed a lot younger and a lot more trusting and innocent. He was glad for that, it meant she hadn't had to endure the many painful incidents that caused his Buffy to grow up so quickly. But he also worried that it left her more vulnerable to being hurt in the future. 

As for the others they didn't seem to have changed much from high school either, which was not necessarily a good thing. Willow it seemed was still painfully shy and although her magic was obviously progressing, she lacked the confidence in her own abilities she would need to back up more complex spells. Angel was glad she was happy with Xander, but the younger man did rather seem to overshadow Willow's personality, pushing her into the background. Also Xander and Willow did seem to be a bit of a mismatched couple what with Willow being a hardworking academic and Xander cultivating an illustrious career as a pizza delivery boy. Then there was Cordelia - although her parents losing all their money had brought her down a peg or two since high school, she hadn't noticed the transformation of her life as abruptly as when she moved to LA in Angel's universe. There she had learnt to be much more sensitive and less shallow and self-centred, here it appeared that she was as much of a bitch as she'd ever been. 

Angel drifted slowly off to sleep thinking only of one thing. All the people he'd met today had slightly differing personalities to the ones he knew from his world, but the one individual he really wanted to see the personality change in was himself – his alter ego. What was he like in this world? Was he happy and was he a better person for it? Lastly, he wondered what his alter ego was doing right now. He hoped the other Angel was managing to cope back in his reality. He supposed he would find out tomorrow, when Willow reversed the spell.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Angel had had a difficult day. He spent most of it stuck in Buffy's apartment, because he couldn't go out in the sunlight. After Buffy had left for classes Angel tried to suppress the urge to snoop around the place. He knew he shouldn't be looking, the things in the apartment were private between Buffy and her Angel, but he was filled with an unexplainable curiosity about the life they shared together. He wanted to know every detail of what could have been possible between himself and Buffy if only they'd made the right choices. Even the pain of finding out about each of their little intimacies, things he and his Buffy could never share, didn't stop him wanting to look.

Eventually he restrained himself to just walking around the place, taking in the features visible to any everyday visitor. He registered the framed photograph of Buffy and her Angel that held pride of place on the dresser, in which both of them were smiling happily at the camera. He examined the calendar filled with notations of outings and events. Most were made in Buffy's achingly familiar, bubbly handwriting, but in some he recognised his own neat, small hand. The feeling of dissociation at seeing this was odd. These were things he had written and yet he had no memories of doing so, and no connection to any of the memorable dates he had marked. He noticed a day three weeks ago encircled by Buffy with a large red heart. Inside the heart she had written simply the word 'anniversary'. The date had no significance to Angel and he realised with a pang that it must be something special between the Angel and Buffy of this reality, something he had missed out on. 

He felt awful at the thought. He and Buffy could have had such happiness if only he'd made the right choices. But he hadn't, he'd been weak, he'd ruined things between them and now he had to face the consequences of his actions – an eternity alone. It was comforting, however, to know that somewhere out there another version of himself had everything he'd ever wanted, that things did work out well in some dimensions. A blacker thought occurred to him too, that whereas things were better in this dimension they could be worse in others. There must exist worlds where he and Buffy had never even met, or realities where one or both of them were dead by now. There could even be a universe in which he as Angelus had killed her. Angel flinched at just thinking such a thing and resolutely decided not to dwell on the matter any longer. 

Instead he further explored the apartment. Lying on the kitchen counter he found a sketchpad clearly belonging to his counterpart in this world. It was half-full of charcoal drawings, mainly of Buffy, but also including a few of her – _their_ – friends. He gasped when he came across a full-page picture of Giles and Jenny, both dressed in wedding attire, their faces smiling broadly. Not wanting to look at the sketch for too long he flipped over to find some blank pages and quickly located a nearby pencil. Without really stopping to think what he was doing he started to draw. His fingers flew across the paper creating the image of Buffy beneath them, but this was _his _Buffy, the one from his own dimension, with her long wavy hair and dressed in the same black leather trousers and halter-top he had last seen her wearing. Soon the picture was complete and he began another, the memories springing easily to the front of his mind faster than he could possibly get them all down on paper. He drew Buffy happy, Buffy crying, Buffy fighting, Buffy angry. He turned over another page and moved on to pictures of Cordelia, depicting the woman from his dimension – the one with the generous heart, the warm sense of humour and the bobbed haircut. Next he added pictures of Willow, Xander and Giles and finally he understood what he was trying to accomplish.

He wanted to leave something behind, a message of what life was like in his world. He hoped that the people here could learn lessons from how their lives could have been if things had happened different. They could learn to appreciate what they have, because it could so easily have been taken from them, and they could come to realise potentials that were so far unfulfilled here. 

Several hours passed and he barely even noticed, he was too absorbed in his task. Finally he looked up outside the window and noticed the light was beginning to fade. It would be evening soon and time to meet Buffy at the high school library. Once again he turned to a fresh page in the book, this time not to draw but to write. He thought he should say something to his counterpart, leave some pearl of wisdom that only he could appreciate. But there was nothing he could really think of. One aspect of the inter-dimensional mix-up he hadn't given much thought to were the experiences of the other Angel, the one would no be trapped in his dimension, a totally unfamiliar and hostile place to him. All the things Angel wanted to say about how lucky his alter ego was, how fortunate he had made the right choice, he would already have realised. Angel knew from bitter personal experience that even 24 hours without Buffy could be enough to make him re-evaluate his whole life. 

Eventually he settled for a short and to the point message. _Fate gave you a precious gift – just make sure you don't waste it. Good luck, A. _Closing the sketchpad, he stood up stiffly and headed over towards the refrigerator. He removed a bag of blood and causally dropped it into the microwave to heat up. The domesticity and familiarity of the act amused him – he'd been here less than a day and already he was making himself at home. He would really miss this dimension when he left it. After drinking the blood he threw on his leather duster, tucked the book of drawings under his arm and headed out to the library.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When he arrived the group was already assembled, each looking slightly nervous to be in his presence. Buffy bounded up to him at first, the obvious reaction to the Angel of her universe, then remembering who he was stopped awkwardly before him, a gentle squeeze of his arm the only contact she allowed between them. 

"We sorted out the spell." Willow announced timidly. "This should return you to your universe, then when you get there you can cast it again to return our Angel back here."

Angel nodded gratefully. "Thanks, that sounds fine." He paused. "I think we should do the spell as soon as possible. The quicker this whole mess is sorted out the better."

There were nods all around, which rather hurt Angel to see. He accepted that they would want the true version of their friend back, but to know that they were all so keen to get rid of him did sting a little. On the other hand, maybe it was a good thing that he left sooner rather than later. He thought that the longer he stayed the more difficult it may be to go back at all. He smiled slightly to himself – that wasn't entirely true. There were things he would miss about his world, although with the whole Darla situation he was currently going through, it just wasn't a very nice place to be at the moment. 

Jenny interrupted his thoughts and Angel felt another jolt of guilt go through him. He was right he had to leave now, before the pain of staying here and seeing what his own mistakes caused him to lose became too much for him.

"Before you go Angel," Jenny said. "There's something I'd like you to have."

Angel nodded, not trusting his voice to accept her generosity. "Buffy mentioned that in your reality the clause in your curse still stands – well here is the incantation that would fix it." She handed him a folded piece of paper and Angel slipped it into his pocket, his throat choked up with gratitude, grief and self-hatred. 

"Thank you," he managed. "It's very kind of you."

Jenny just smiled in return and stepped back to join Giles. "We'll just start preparing the ritual," the Watcher declared. "It won't be long now before we can proceed."

While the rest of the Scooby gang were all gathered together over spell ingredients Angel turned to Buffy, showing her the sketchpad he brought with him.

"I did some drawings this afternoon," he told her slightly nervously. "Of the people in my reality. I thought you might want to see them."

Buffy nodded and took the pad from him, turning to the page he had marked. She gazed for a long time at the pictures, tracing the pencil marks with her fingers and staring in wonder at the subtle differences she noticed in her friends. Finally she settled on a sketch of her otherself, looking back up at Angel questioningly.

"Is this really me?" She asked. He nodded in response. "But she's so beautiful and she looks so confident."

Angel smiled slightly. "In that case she's definitely you." He gently took the book off her and flipped back a few pages to the drawing of Giles and Jenny. "Can I take this please," he asked. "I think Giles would really like to have it."

She nodded distractedly. "Sure, we have about a dozen other copies of that, anyway. Angel made it into a painting for their anniversary present..." She trailed off, deep in thought, then came back from whatever place in her mind she had disappeared to and shifted her expression into a determined set. "I'm going with you," she declared.

"Buffy, you can't."

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do," she replied in an annoyed tone and Angel flashed back to similar arguments he'd had with his Buffy. "I want to go there and meet these people – meet her. And I need to make sure Angel – my Angel – is OK. From the things you've said it can't be very pleasant for him there."

Angel felt the familiar throb of his aching heart begin again, as he looked into the eyes of the woman he knew so well, so intimately and yet had only just met. No matter the differences between her and her counterpart she was still Buffy and when she decided on something, Angel knew from experience there would be no changing her mind. "Ask Giles," he commanded. "It's more his concern than mine."

Buffy crossed the room to speak to her Watcher and Angel took the opportunity to take one last look around his surroundings. He would never see this world or it's people again, that he was convinced of, so he didn't want to let any detail of it pass him by. Gazing out the window, he tried to ignore the argument that was going on in hushed tones between Buffy and the rest of the gang. After hearing his own name mentioned in several derogatory references by Xander he began to wish he didn't have enhanced vampiric hearing. There were simply some things that it was better for eavesdroppers not to hear. Finally the discussion was over, with Buffy inevitably the victor. Giles split away from the group and announced that they were now ready to perform the ritual. He and Buffy would be transported back to his own dimension, whereupon she would locate her Angel and they would hopefully be returned within the hour. Angel smiled as Giles placed a curfew of midnight on Buffy's return to her rightful dimension. The imposition of something so ordinary as fatherly concern on an issue as incredible as dimension hopping just seemed incongruous somehow. But that, he supposed, was what helped the Scooby gang deal with the many stresses they faced, the way they managed to just get on with normal life in between all the supernatural stuff that happened to them. 

They were to perform the ritual in the spot where Angel first entered this reality, in the hopes that there was something mystical about it that facilitated his passage between the two universes. Quite frankly it was more guesswork than science, but they wanted to do everything possible to make sure the spell was successful. He and Buffy stood on the patch of grass in the middle of the cemetery, holding hands so that they wouldn't be separated, and the rest of the gang formed a circle around them. After saying their goodbyes and thanks to the assembled group he and Buffy were ready to leave, him forever and her hopefully for only a matter of hours.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The blinding white light hit Angel's vision once more and he passed out. When he came to it was again lying in the damp grass, his head pounding and his mind blank. This time he waited patiently for his memories to come back and when they did he forced himself into a sitting position and looked anxiously from side to side to locate Buffy. She was lying on the ground several feet away from him and he shuffled over to shake her awake. Her eyes softly fluttered open and she looked around questioningly.

"Are we there? Did it work?" She asked anxiously.

"There's only one way to find out," Angel replied, getting to his feet and helping Buffy up also. Taking her hand in an automatic gesture, he started to lead her towards Giles' house, or at least to where Giles' house should be if they were in the right universe. Everything looked familiar as he walked through the streets of Sunnydale, but he hadn't spent enough time there recently to notice the subtle differences between the reality he lived in and other possible universes. He breathed a sigh of relief as they passed the burnt out school, that at least was a good sign they were in the right place. Buffy's mouth dropped open at sight, but gently propelled by Angel she continued her hurried pace through the town.

When they reached Giles' house, Buffy hung back, nervous about meeting the people they would surely find there. Angel could understand her fears, though it was hard to imagine them in his Buffy. She would be worried about the reception she would receive from her otherworld friends, as well as from her counterpart in this world. He supposed she was nervous that she wouldn't like the person she was in this world, or that the other Buffy wouldn't like her. Whatever her fears Angel indulged them as he knocked on the door and she stood to the side, out of sight. He was sure she would show herself soon enough, however, when his own alter ego, the other Angel, appeared. There would be no keeping them apart then, Angel realised painfully. It would hurt him and most probably his Buffy to see the two of them together and happy, but he supposed it would also be gratifying, a demonstration that sometimes love does triumph. A happy ending is always nice to see, even if it is not your own. He briefly fingered the piece of paper Jenny had given him, as he waited for an answer to his knock, his thoughts flitting involuntarily to what that simple document could possibly mean to him. He was forced to forget all such things, however, when the door was opened and he was presented face-to-face with an utterly incredulous Giles.

"My God," the Englishman breathed. He looked Angel up and down disbelievingly, not noticing his companion hiding in the shadows. "Buffy," he yelled. "Come quickly."

"What is it Giles?" Angel heard her voice, edged with stress and tiredness, before he saw her appear behind her Watcher. When she caught sight of him too her face crumpled, her eyes immediately filling with tears. 

"Angel?" She gasped, reaching out a tentative hand to touch his arm. "Is it really you?"

He smiled slightly, the expression tinged with confusion. He was beginning to think he had stumbled into an entirely different universe, as this was definitely not the reception he had been expecting. "Of course it's me," he replied uncertainly.

Buffy threw herself against his chest, sobbing openly. "Oh God, I thought you were dead. I though you were dead and it was my fault…"

"Shush, Buffy, it's OK. I'm fine." He tried to reassure her, whilst shooting puzzled glances in Giles' direction. The other man was no help, however, with only his initial surprise at seeing Angel still showing clearly on his face. 

Buffy still clinging to Angel he looked about the rest of the room for guidance. There he saw gathered the rest of the Scooby gang, each showing an equal amount of shock, except for Anya, who looked barely interested by the whole episode. 

"What d'you know," he heard Xander comment. "Deadboy's not dead after all."

Carefully prising Buffy away from him, Angel ushered her further into the room, wondering how to explain this whole situation. He wasn't looking forward to giving the entire 'I'm from another dimension, help me get home speech' and he was also getting a little worried about how to introduce the other Buffy's presence when Anya spoke up. 

"Who's that?" The former demon asked inquisitively.

"That's Angel, honey," Xander interjected. "You remember him, you know, the one and only truly original vampire with a soul. He who likes to brood a lot."

"Of course I remember Angel, silly." Anya snapped back. "Who could forget a guy that hot? I'm talking about her over there, standing outside in her dark." All eyes followed Anya's pointing finger as Buffy number two stepped forwards. 

"Hey, guys." She said with a shy smile. "Long time no see."

If the gang had been shocked to see Angel then their surprise at being presented with two Buffys was in the region of stratospheric. Eyes widened and jaws dropped collectively to the floor. Xander was first to regain the use of his voice.

"She's evil – she must be. So is Deadboy – get crosses, holy water, quick!"

"Neither of us are evil, Xander." Angel replied patiently. "We'll explain if you let us."

"Not before I've had a drink you won't," muttered Giles. 

"What's going on, Angel?" Buffy asked in a soft voice. "First you just disappear and we all think you're dead. Then you come back with…me. I don't understand."

"As I said, I'll explain. But first can I ask you a few questions?" Angel said. "When was the last time you saw me?"

"What?"

"Please, can you just humour me?"

"OK," Buffy answered reluctantly. "It was yesterday, early evening. You were fighting those demons that came after Dawn. Then Willow cast her spell and we came to find you, but you'd disappeared. Everyone thought you'd been killed and-" her voice cracked slightly. "And that there was nothing but dust left to find."

"And before then," Angel persisted. "Before yesterday when was the last time you saw me?"

Buffy blushed slightly and mumbled her reply in a quiet voice. "When you came to apologise, after Faith."

Angel nodded, relief seeping through his system. The spell to return him had worked, he was back in the correct dimension. This was only a confirmation of what he had felt all along. Things seemed right here. He recognised _his _Buffy, her hair, her mannerisms, the look in her eyes, the way she carried herself. And he could sense her too, could feel the link between them in a way that he couldn't with the other Buffy he had met. 

"Can we sit down?" He asked, social convention getting the better of him. Once everyone was all seated, he began his tale of waking up in the other universe, of realising what had happened and returning here. Intentionally he left out all the details of people's lives their, in the realisation that perhaps they (and especially Buffy) were better off not knowing. But, he realised reluctantly, with a guest from the other dimension here now there might not be any way of getting around that. 

"So, it's like when Willow's counterpart was transported here from another universe." Giles remarked. "Only this time it happened backwards when one of our number was taken elsewhere. Fascinating."

"And I'm seeing another difference here too," Willow piped up. "My double just happened to be a vampire who tried to kill everybody and Buffy gets a nice one. This isn't fair."

"Yeah, and think what a nightmare it was when I was cloned." Xander added. "Buffy always gets the best end of the deal."

"Actually, I thought it was quite enjoyable when there were two Xanders." Anya announced to no one in particular. 

Buffy mark two, nudged Angel. "Who are those two?" She asked quietly. "The rude one and the quiet one."

Angel smiled slightly and leaned over to answer her. "The brunette is Anya, Xander's girlfriend, and the blonde is Tara, Willow's girlfriend."

"Willow's girfriend?" She replied, raising her voice in incredulity. "Willow isn't gay!"

"That's what we said," Xander commented, overhearing. All attention in the room turned to the red-haired Wicca who was blushing furiously. 

"I-I guess things are a little different in your dimension," Willow stuttered.

"You can say that again." Buffy remarked sadly. This place was so unfamiliar to her, no wonder Angel had felt lost in her universe if this was the reality he was used to. "Angel," she caught his attention once again. "Can we find him now then I can go home? I'm beginning to get worried."

"Find whom?" Giles questioned.

Buffy looked across at him. "My Angel," she clarified. "That's why I'm here, to find him and bring him back."

"_Your _Angel?" This dimension's Buffy looked confused. "What do you mean?"

Angel explained. "We assumed that what happened was I swapped existences with the other Angel, that he was transported here and I there."

Willow shook her head. "But we haven't seen you – I mean him. I mean, you just disappeared…"

"Did you try calling LA?" Angel asked, concern beginning to rise in him. 

Buffy nodded. "I spoke to Cordelia and she claimed she didn't even care – what's going on there, Angel?"

He waved away those questions – they belonged to another time. Now his main concern was the whereabouts of his other dimension counterpart and the distress of the young woman sitting next to him.

"You-you don't think he's dead do you?" She asked in a frightened voice. 

Angel put his arm tenderly around her, catching an irrational flash of jealousy in his Buffy's expression as he did so. "I promised we'd bring him back and we will." He reassured her.

Buffy number two nodded, accepting his comfort in a way he missed desperately in his own universe. "I think I'd know if he was dead. I'd stop being able to feel him, you know."

"I know." Buffy mark one spoke up softly. The two identical young women stared at each other across the room, shared understanding passing briefly between them, before Tara broke the moment.

"I-I think I m-might have an explanation."

"Go on," Giles encouraged.

"W-well, what if there were more than just t-two dimensions involved in this swap," she got more confident in her speech as she warmed to the idea. "The other Angel could have passed into another universe – possibly one in which its Angel were dead, then there would be nobody to come here."

"So, you think that my Angel may be lost in another reality somewhere with nobody to help him?" Buffy latched on to the idea. "Then there must be something we can do to find him."

"How about a locator spell?" Willow suggested. "We just need something of Angel's – the other Angel's obviously – and then we can cast a spell on the object to let it take you to him."

"Uh, something of Angel's," Buffy repeated thoughtfully then inspiration struck her. "I have his engagement ring." She pulled the silver Claddagh off her finger and held it up for the room to see. Her home-dimension counterpart turned pale at the sight and muttering her excuses ran out the room. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After rushing out of Giles' house Buffy walked around for a long time. She went patrolling and managed to kill a few vampires she found on the way. Her mind wasn't really focused on the task, however, all she could think of was her doppelganger sitting there with _her _friends and _her _Angel. It was incredible how this was her dimension and yet she was the one who felt out of place. And then there was that moment when the other Buffy had held up the Claddagh ring, an exact duplicate of the one Buffy herself had lost, and announced that it was an engagement ring. Presumably that meant that in the other universe she and Angel were engaged, as in together, about to get married. Her head spun at the thought – a world without the pain of losing the love of her life, a world where he never just walked away from her into the night. Somehow that only made his betrayal of her even greater. It showed that their relationship wasn't impossible, that they could be together if they wanted to be. After all if that Angel and Buffy had overcome their adversities then why couldn't she and her Angel? Did this mean that the problem was actually them and not the circumstances they were in? She hated to even think that – the only way she had been able to cope with Angel leaving her was to convince herself that their love was doomed from the start, they were Slayer and vampire, never destined to be together in the first place. But clearly this wasn't true, their separation was due to the choices they had made not the cruel hand of fate. It was their fault – they'd ruined things all by themselves. 

Her emotions in a whirl, she headed back to Giles'. Two hours ago she had thought Angel was dead. She had believed that he was lost to her forever and her heart had broken in a way she thought irreparable. Then he returned and she saw it as a second chance – the opportunity to tell him how much she loved him and missed him. That she'd been without him for long enough, she'd dated ordinary guys, she'd tried to do the whole normal life thing and she'd failed. All she wanted was him, all she needed was him. Then _she _appeared and everything seemed to turn upside down. To see _her _with Angel made Buffy feel irrationally jealous. The way they spoke in hushed voices to one another, the way he put his arm around her to provide comfort. That was how Angel should be behaving towards herself, after all they were the couple from the same dimension, they were the ones with the shared history. It was her lips Angel had kissed, her body he had enfolded in his arms, not that other Buffy's. And what was up with her hair? That style went out of fashion like three years ago.

She was just about to begin mentally attacking her alter ego's fashion sense when she heard a noise and glanced upwards only to be faced with the exact subject of her thoughts. She started in shock, it was like looking in a mirror except the mirror wasn't there. Irrelevantly she reasoned that vampires must get a similar feeling, only instead of having a reflection and no mirror, they had a mirror and no reflection. Dragging herself back to reality – if you could call this bizarre situation that – she started to speak to her double.

"So, I assume you're looking _for_ me, as well as _like_ me now."

The other woman smiled briefly. "Your friends have sorted out the spell now and I wanted to get a chance to talk to you before they cast it and I leave."

Buffy shrugged. "What is there to say? I mean, you're me, you should be able to know what I'm thinking, right?"

She shook her head. "Angel – your Angel – says that we're different, that you've had to go through a lot of things I haven't. You know, like sending him to Hell. I'm not sure if I could have done that."

Buffy looked up in surprise. "In your dimension you didn't send Angel to Hell?"

She offered a look of sympathetic sadness. "There was no need to. In my world he never lost his soul either."

"There was no clause in the curse?" Buffy asked anxiously. Maybe this was the difference between their dimensions, the reason behind her and Angel's separation, rather than any mistakes they themselves had made. If this were true then there was nothing that could have been done to avoid the hurt and pain they had caused each other – it was all predestined after all.

"No," Buffy's doppelganger replied. "We just managed to fix the curse before the clause became a problem."

"Oh," Buffy replied, unsure what to make of this. "Then in your world you two are still together?"

She nodded. "It hasn't been easy at times, when something's important you work at it, right? You fight. You don't just give up and walk away."

Tears pricked Buffy's eyes as she remembered the wrenching she felt in her chest as she watched Angel turn away from her and disappear out of her life. After that she could count the number of times she'd seen him on the fingers of one hand and yet still the pain had never healed. "Right," she agreed in a choked voice. How was it possible that things had gotten so bad between she and Angel that they would just stop fighting and give up on one another like they had? "You're pretty lucky you know," she addressed her mirror image. "You ended up in the right dimension. Living without Angel doesn't exactly make for a happy, shiny existence."

"But you don't have to live without him now," the other Buffy answered enthusiastically. "We gave your Angel the incantation to fix the curse. All you have to do is cast the spell and his soul will be bound forever. Then you can be together."

Buffy's heart leapt hopefully then sunk once again. She shook her head. "It's not as simple as that."

"Why not? I mean, I know from personal experience that you love him. And I know he loves you, because he as good as told me. So, what's stopping you?"

Buffy hesitated. "We've hurt each other too much. There's so much pain in our past."

"And there could be so much happiness in your future. Believe me." Buffy number two grinned broadly and linked arms with her original. "Hey, if I were you, I'd go for it."

Buffy laughed. "You are me."

"There you go then, argument settled."

The two girls giggled together then walked the remaining distance back to Giles' in a companionable silence.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Do you think she'll find him?" Buffy asked Angel an hour later as they stood in the cemetery after casting the spell. The rest of the gang had gone home already, but somehow the two of them were unable to leave one another.

"I hope so," Angel returned lightly. "You'd know better, I guess."

Buffy thought about this for a while. "I know she won't stop until they're together again." She paused awkwardly then laughed briefly, changing the subject. "Could this day have been any weirder?"

He smiled back. "Oh, I thought it was pretty run of the mill for Sunnydale, actually."

"I guess you're right there. Doppelgangers are actually starting to become a common occurrence around here. I suppose it was only a matter of time before I met mine."

Another silence stretched between them, which Angel broke by remembering the sketch he still had in his pocket. "Here," he unfolded it and handed it to Buffy. "Could you give this to Giles. I thought he would have wanted to see it."

Buffy stared at the drawing of Giles and Jenny in their wedding attire for a long time, then turned back to face Angel. "When were you going to tell me?" She asked.

"Tell you what?"

"Oh, just a few little things, like how you gave me an _engagement _ring for my seventeenth birthday, or how you're now in possession of the ritual to bind your soul."

Angel shifted uncomfortably. "Buffy…" he began. "Can we talk about this some other time?"

"Uh-uh," she shook her head. "You're not worming your way out of this one, buddy. I want some answers and I want them now."

"OK," he replied reluctantly. "Firstly, the Claddagh I gave you wasn't an engagement ring-"

"It wasn't?" She repeated, trying to ignore the slight feeling of disappointment that now seeped through her.

"No, actually it was a wedding ring."

"WHAT?"

"Don't get too upset Buffy," Angel tried to calm her down. "It's true that Claddagh rings are often exchanged in marriage ceremonies where I come from in Ireland, but when I gave it to you, it was just as a sign of my love and fidelity. I would never expect you to enter into an agreement like that without explaining it to you first. The ring meant simply what I said it to mean at the time."

_That I belong to you,_ Buffy thought, but did not dare utter the words out loud. "What about the ritual then? When were you going to tell me about that?"

"To be honest," Angel replied. "I wasn't even sure I was going to perform it."

Buffy gaped at him open mouthed. "But it would secure your soul, stop Angelus from ever returning, allow you to experience true happiness." She didn't add what else it would mean he was able to do as well.

"But I don't deserve to be happy," he told her quietly. "I'm supposed to be earning my redemption, not having it handed to me on a silver platter."

"You don't think you've earned this?"

Angel shook his head despairingly, avoiding her gaze. 

"What about all the people you've helped in LA, all the good you've done, all the times you've saved me?"

"I nearly killed you Buffy," he responded in a strained voice. "The only thing I've ever brought you is pain. And I haven't been doing too well in LA lately either." He shrugged painfully. "I lost sight of what I was doing – let some people die, fired Cordy and Wes. There is no way I deserve this."

Buffy sucked in a deep breath at his revelations. "I haven't exactly been the nicest of people lately, either." She admitted. "Take my behaviour when I came to LA last year, for example. I never apologised for lying to you."

"Lying to me?"

"About Riley. I said I loved him and it wasn't true." She stared down at her hands. "He left when he finally realised it," she looked back up at Angel. "And I don't miss him – not like I miss you."

Angel sharply twisted around to gape at her. "Buffy – we can't do this," he said in a strangled voice.

"Why not?" She replied. "Why can they be together and not us?"

"Because of me," he answered painfully, his head held in his hands. "Because I made the wrong choice."

She reached over to grasp his hand tightly in hers. He met her eyes and she leant over and kissed him softly on the lips, pulling away before speaking. 

"Then make the right one now."

THE END

_A/N ~ _That's it folks. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. I currently have no plans for a sequel to this, as I already have far too many other fics in the works. It is nice to finally write a stand-alone piece for once! Now, feedback is always good, so fill in the box below and I'll love you forever. J


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